Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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