Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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