She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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