Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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