My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You may now shotgun with the bride
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
