she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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