Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
