I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm always down for nudity.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
