Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize