Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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