Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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