pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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