Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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