You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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