I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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