He uses pillows to masturbate.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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