I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she woke up with a sticky ear
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
