I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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