I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
