Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
