I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
