So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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