i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
