she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
