I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
