My friends, they love my intelligence
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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