I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
