he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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