....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
