Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
