Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
