3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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