I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
