Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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