Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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