Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
