i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
