guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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