Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
