We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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