I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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