Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
