yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
