If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
