I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
