Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
