When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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