Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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