Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
