when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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