I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Come on in and take your pants off
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