At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
