Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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