ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
