im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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