Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
