i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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