Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
