don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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