We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The air was thick with penises
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
