forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
