woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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