Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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