He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
