addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
