You just made me feel so damn special
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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