College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
