Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize