So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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