Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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