you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
