I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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