guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
