Define "chronic" masturbator.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
