You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a beard to bite.
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