What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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