I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
