I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
