I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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