Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
