She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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