I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
