Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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