If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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