I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize