i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
