dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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