My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wish my penis had a tongue
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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