i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
