I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
