Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
