My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
