My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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