i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
