PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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