Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
