She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
