I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
