..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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