OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I want is dick and wine.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
