This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
