adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
