I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
