Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
