look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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