after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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